Remembering and Celebrating our Dear Moon Child, Manik Kej. 11/2008-08/2009

August 6, of 2009 was a Thursday,  a Full Moon day. I woke up early to prepare to go out since that morning I had my last appointment at my midwife's clinic at 10:30, only a few days before my due date. I had my breakfast and when I finished I head out the door. It was a nice summer day. I expected to finish on time so I could prepare for a visit/dinner with a couple of good friends that we had planned for that day. All my expectations were completely crashed however when I learned at the clinic that things didn't seem to be OK for my baby. The Midwives sent me to the hospital right away to have an ultrasound done, since baby's cardiac rhythm wasn't looking so good. "It is likely that you'll meet your baby today Tania" one of them told me, ..."but don't worry my partner is just heading to the hospital right now to be there with you". I felt as if I was going on a roller coaster ride, my heart beating extra fast, my head spinning to thousand miles per second. I kept telling to myself, " it's all good, it's all good, everything is fine, everything will happen according the plan, it's all good, it's all good".  The plan? There are no plans, no scripts, no rehearsals when it comes to a tiny human life. Our plan ( or at least my plan I should say) was to have a water birth at home, assisted by Kelly my Doula and my midwives. Accompanied by the loving presence of my husband and my best friend. Dimmed lights, soft calming music, a sacred and gentle arrival for our baby to this world. Yes, indeed that was the plan and yet, the Moon, the Stars, the Universe had a different plan for all of us all together.

Manik Kej was born at around 12:50pm that Full Moon Thursday, in a hospital, through an emergency C. Section, under bright lights and a sense of uncertainty and shock. I myself went under total anesthetic since everything had to be done with the utter most urgency.  I was gone for about an hour or so, but my sweet Manik was gone forever from this physical plane. He was born the day of the 

Cosmic Dear, Waquib 6 Kej in the Mayan calendar. Manik in Maya yucateco, Kej in Maya Kiche. We named him after the day he was born using both Mayan words used for the same day. 

Thinking back my memory has some many blank spots from the moment I took a cab rushing to the hospital to the moment I left two days later. I had to trust the testimonies of the people whom also experienced this with us so close to try to put together the puzzle in my mind. My body, my heart, all my life was broken, fragmented in million pieces like stars scattered all over the blank cosmic background. This was indeed the most devastating experience I have ever had in my life, an experience that no mother should ever go through. However, despite the tragic sense of this event, it seems like life had a plan for us after all. I know that even though a complete understanding of the meaning of this experience has yet to come, ( or perhaps not ) I have luckily come to terms with Manik's passing, knowing that things aren't always as bad as they seems at times; and that every single experience brings us the great opportunity to grow stronger yet flexible just like the trees. Every single experience is a chance to show ourselves how resilient we really are and that we always have the inner tools to face even the saddest event of our life. I often hear the saying " what does not kill you make you stronger" and I have now come to really appreciate and realize the meaning of this saying in all it's dept. 

Knowing (from an intuitive and spiritual perspective) that what had happened to us was not only part of the bigger picture of our short existence, but also the very thread that weaves our life purpose together. This inner knowing has helped me to heal my grief ( at least most of it) and has given me a more holistic sense of self.

I should also add that as today, over 6 years later, I have been blessed with the opportunity to become the mom of two wonderful little boys,  Tenoch Gael and Nohan Felipe; an experience that has not only brought me immense happiness and joy but also a direct encounter with what really means to be a parent. Yes, it's hard, full time work, is challenging, it's overwhelming and puzzling at times and yet it is an experience that I would not change for anything in the world, not even for my passion for traveling. Yes, I do love traveling, not an easy thing to do with young children but the great news is that I now have two or I should say  three little traveling companions for life.

Thanks for reading this story, a story of painful, blind and tender love in memory of our Dear Moon Child.

Manik Kej, Niño de Luna.

11/2008-08/2009

Niño de Luna, hijo de las Flores, mi corazón te canta.

Mirando las nubes viajeras, te siento palpitar en mi vientre.

Hablando con las estrellas escucho tu risa mágica resonar a través de mi piel y mi corazón crece, casi cubre el cielo.

Niño de Luna, hijo de hierbas salpicadas de rocio, mi corazón te sueña;

Y me gusta hablarte porque sé que ahí adentro en tu mundo de agua, mi voz te acaricia.

Te cuento sobre pájaros pequeños que visitan el jardín de nuestra casa, 

sobre ardillas juguetonas que se esconden en las ramas de los Maples, 

sobre orugas cristalinas que se convertirán en mariposas, en posibilidades.

Te cuento lo mucho que te sueño y que te espero y también las cosas bellas que el viento me plática sobre ti.

Niño de Luna, hijo del eco que mi corazón canta, al pensar en ti el arcoiris me abraza, mi alma se ilumina y mi mundo de pronto toma sentido.

Niño de Luna, hijo de la eternidad, has venido a mi vientre, lo has hecho tu hogar y en silencio has decidido regresar a tu reino luminoso.

Mi hermoso niño de Luna, tu me has enseñado que para amarse no se necesita mirarse, sólo saber que a pesar de las horas y los días que me invaden, tu alma y mi alma en las alas de los ángeles volverán a abrazarse.

Niño de Luna, Manik Kej, Venadito cósmico, pequeño guardián de las esquinas sagradas del universo, eterno cargador del tiempo, canto de pájaros;  tu destino es el viento, el infinito, recorrer el cielo y cubrirnos con tus alas.

Enseñarnos que el brillo y el amor de tus ojos se ven mejor en sueños y la inocente magia de tu sonrisa se escucha mejor con los oídos del alma.

Mi querido niño de Luna, pequeño visitante del cielo, nuestro amor te acompaña a través de eras y dimensiones y a tu lado el fuego de nuestros corazones.

T.B